Honorary entry from 1/17/20:
This writing actually was penned by me back in 2016 -- August 12, 2016 -- and it rings still quite close to home, although I have far more hope (and a plan) now than I did then. Things still seem badly wonky, very "out of true." I have abandoned hope to have more than my own world go back to making sense, and that's part of this year's -- this new decade's -- mission.
Meanwhile, back at the 2016 ranch ....
August 12, 2016
At odd moments of late, I have contemplated writing more (truly: writing at all ... not just journaling but writing a blog or even a bit of poetry or fiction).
The prospect has been lurking for weeks now. It seems so innocent at first: titles will cruise slowly through my mind like hot honey drips migrating down the side of a tea mug -- sticky, somewhat of a nuisance, but sweet and ultimately beguiling, because like honey and tea, I love the creative process, the way ideas go from snippets to plans to actions. But then the energy and effort it requires, to produce something that's sharable with others to read and understand, seems too much, and the prospect fades.
Some of the urges to write root in song lyrics that strike my fancy. Does that sound trite and tired and silly? If so, that’s fine. I freely own being adolescent still in my love of lyric and melody, and music remains one of a few fairly dependable mood lifters for me here, adrift in my middle life as I am. A fellow blogger I once knew, let’s call him Harland, would cleverly use snippets of phrasing for his blog titles. It was often like a puzzle, trying to determine from where he had chosen his phrases, because he’d use a variety of references. I found the concept clever enough to do it myself fairly often, especially lifting them from quotes from famous people or lines from books or lyrics from a song … although it could occasionally produce the dreaded whiff of “VagueBooking” (Vaguebooking defined here).
Unexpectedly, there is no lyric currently in existence (per Google) for “Out of true.” This shocked me, because the phrase seems especially poetic. “Out of true” means ‘not in correct shape or alignment,’ and it’s often used regarding wheels (e.g., a bent bicycle wheel), as well as relating to floors or construction of a building. It’s not even a book title! (Oh, the horror. Note to self.) It seems especially poignant with “slowly” added, as if something (or someone) that used to be aligned and solid has drifted to something not aligned or solid. Which is how I feel.
It seems that much has been going out of true, some of it not as slowly as others. Some top contenders in the skewing:
- this election’s (2016's) political discourse, or lack thereof
- critical thinking and general skepticism, especially about rhetorically-treated topics in lieu of empirical facts and rational consideration of those facts
- the gaps between a brand’s reality and its cult of personality
- experiencing life in a modern city, both before, during, and after its bubbles burst
Maybe it’s my own personal version of life-crisis, to find so much so lacking in substance. It’s as if the universe itself has gone … sLowLY oUT of tRue. Will we ever recover?
I wish someone should write this song.